Why Do Our Elders Feel Entitled to Control Our Lives?
We grow up in environments where authority figures—parents, guardians, elder siblings—hold immense power over our choices. From what we wear to the careers we pursue, to the person we marry and even when we should start a family, decisions are often made for us rather than by us. It’s unsettling, especially when we claim to be an enlightened society. But why do we accept this control as normal? What gives anyone the right to dictate another’s life simply because they raised them? In many cases, children from very young age start supporting their entire families and gradually it becomes their second nature to be a caretaker of anybody who is associated with them specially their parent figures. This deeply ingrained belief that children must “repay” their parents with obedience and sacrifice is woven into our cultural fabric—so much so that it often goes unquestioned.
The Burden of Codependence:
True independence is rarely understood in our households. Seeking constant approval, imposing guilt when an adult child doesn’t respond immediately, and expecting them to abandon their plans, choices (if they have any) and even identities for the sake of others—these are subtle but damaging forms of control. Parents unknowingly raise children to be “doormats,” ensuring they carry this pattern into adulthood and relationships. The societal pressure is real and this crazy cycle of meeting expectations has left the idea of individuality behind just to follow the fogeyish custom of Face Saving or” Loag Kya Kahen Ge”.
Trauma Bonding: Unhealthy Emotional Dependency:
Parents, often mothers, treat their children as emotional soundboards. They share grievances, marital conflicts, and frustrations without realizing the long-term psychological imprint this leaves. A child growing up under this weight may believe their worth lies in being the “good listener,” the “caretaker”—an identity that may harm them in adulthood.
Enmeshment: Blurred Boundaries in Families:
In many South Asian households, the idea of boundaries within immediate family seems absurd. “WE do this,” “WE don’t like those people,” We like them, “WE believe in this”—groupthink dominates, discouraging individual identity. The result? Children grow up into such Adults who struggle to set personal boundaries, even when they start their own families. The unchecked interference of elders is often masked as cultural value, benchmark of “Achi, Naik Aulaad” but at its core, it is an unfair exercise of control.
It’s time to rethink these practices. Breaking generational cycles is never easy, but awareness is the first step toward change. Have you ever faced these dynamics? How did you navigate them? Let’s start the conversation.
“Certified NLP Practitioner | Activist| Public Speaker| Humanitarian| Executive Leadership Innovator | Empowering Change Through Self-Connection”.